Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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