You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
