I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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