i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
He kissed a someone with a penis
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just gift wrapped bread.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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