South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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