As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
