i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
