I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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