His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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