Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize