I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
