i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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