Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
