Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
