apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
