the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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