I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
