that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
