i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
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