sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize