the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
