He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
