I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
