We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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