I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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