So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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