Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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