she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He has the fingertips of a God
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