some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
