TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize