Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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