she looked like the bat from fern gully.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
