If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
