My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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