I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
