How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
