Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
