Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
