You made me cry and you don't even care
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize