my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
