I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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