God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
