awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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