Yo dont text me then not text me
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
