i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
