All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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