I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
