Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
