I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
