why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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