I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
