I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
