I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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