Tell her she can't have a vagina
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
