you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
