dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
