so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Randomize
