my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
