i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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