I think I just saw someone hide a body.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
