eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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