GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize