I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My feet surprised me
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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