I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
love makes seman taste better
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
