if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
As shirtless as possible
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
