yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
MIDGETS
????
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
