well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
