I think I died a long time ago.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
