I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
