If i come over, it means nothing
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize