I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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