I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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