Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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