fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
