I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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