Kiss
Puke
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
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