if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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