all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
