Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Bring me that man meat
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
