i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
