Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
