I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
