His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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