Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
