are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
