on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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