somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
