I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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