Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
