I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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