didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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