Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
