I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
