okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
