I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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