They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I could fuck to npr.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
