guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
