do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
